From a fellow ex-lonesome student to another, my most precious advice:

Tuesday 26-01-2021 - 17:32
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Written by Danny El Daouk (MDX student & MDXSU's Student Groups Intern) 

Introverts who are longing for human connection like myself, often perceive a change in their environment as a daunting horror film that never seems to end. Forming interpersonal relations, or genuine friendships is a challenge in itself, and the stigma around overcoming it seem to make matters worse. I graduated earlier than most from an all-girls private school, and at the age of 16 I was faced with the morbid ordeal of adulting – with no manual or guidebook on how to cope with the stresses of creating myself, finding a self-fulfilling social circle, managing with the strains of studying, all along with crippling existential dread. My nights consisted of listening to Mitski and Phoebe Bridgers on loop and binging on Vitamin D gummies – rock bottom was my throne. For my graduating year, I impulsively decided to move 8 hours away from my little nest to London, England – and my comfort bubble had officially ruptured. No acquaintances, no contacts, no knowledge of intricate tube lines, and a hint of everlasting seasonable depression for flavour – being lost and lonely was inevitable.   

On one whim home-sick night, I picked up my 5-year-old HP laptop and signed up to every society I had any remote interest in. Joined every WhatsApp group there is. Attended every games night Zoom meeting. During the times were resorting to self-sabotaging coping mechanisms seemed like the best fitting option, I pushed myself to purposely do the things my inner critic thought I had no courage to do. What I thought was an innate disability, was simply a creation of my own obstruction. I met people: both like-minded angels and polar opposite bigots. I landed my first ever paid job advocating for and aiding marginalized groups. I developed a sense of confidence I thought was unattainable. The 16-year-old Middle Eastern socially awkward but secretly radical feministic me, would be proud. I give some credit to that lonesome evening; it was the initial launch towards a more courage-led life that enabled me to participate and experiment with whatever comes my way. At a time where the prospect of a future in a foreign country was bleak, it was a small hole that allowed some light to peak in – enough light for me to see that life is not so bad. Even amidst a global pandemic which separated people in a magnitudes beyond comprehension, I felt closer to others more than I ever had, and the student groups were an outlet that allowed me to ferociously meet and connect with others in an accessible and safe manner. I let go of that notion that I had somehow ‘missed out’ on the University lifestyle, and simply enjoyed the minutest of things like having a fruitful (virtual) conversation with a fellow human, and during the moments I desired to discover the parts of London I had only admired in film, I realized that though a companion would be pleasant – I deserved to be my own friend before I am a friend to others.

Once solitude became comforting, friendships were effortlessly built, memories were randomly made, and experiences were spontaneously lived. From a fellow ex-lonesome student to another, my most precious advice is that do not allow fear of the unknown impede you from discovering who you could be when you are brave. Sign up to all the societies of your likings (no matter how ridiculous your high-school friends think they are), attend all the games and quiz-nights, meet others with no preconceived prejudice, initiate and make (pandemic-safe) plans, enjoy your own company and recognize that you hold the pen to inscribe how the next chapter unfolds. Sometimes it is time to stop writing the same story, and instead, give it a plot twist.

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